


Enough

by lys



Category: Cadfael Chronicles - Ellis Peters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-12-22
Updated: 2004-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-25 08:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1641413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lys/pseuds/lys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cadfael discovers that you can go home again. Takes place immediately after "Brother Cadfael's Penance"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Written for whorl

 

 

_But let those who are excommunicated for lighter faults only from the table make satisfaction in the oratory, as long as the Abbot commandeth, and let them perform this until he giveth his blessing and saith, "It is enough." -- The Rule of St. Benedict_

As he rose shakily to his feet, the abbot's hand under his arm for support, Cadfael felt every one of his sixty-five years. He hadn't been sure of his welcome when he arrived at the gate after Matins and Lauds. Brother Porter had offered him hospitality, which boded well, but it was Father Abbot who had the final say, and Father Abbot whose authority he had flaunted.

He wondered if this was how Alard had felt, returning to Evesham after his twenty-five years of wandering. A _vagus_ , he had called himself, and a _vagus_ Cadfael, too, had proven to be. Still, Alard had had faith that, repentant, he would find a place, and welcomed the penance he would perform. Now, twenty-five years later, Cadfael found himself in the same position. And he had even begged a night's stay at Evesham! Would that he had remembered this then, to ask after Alard, and how he fared. Yet perhaps not knowing had been for the best.

For Cadfael had been unsure of the reaction his reappearance would cause. True, he had been gone weeks, not years, and the Rule allowed for accepting those who strayed up until the third time, but the Rule also called for full acknowledgement and atonement of the fault, and that Cadfael could not do. Could never do. How could he repent that his son was safe to return to his wife, and that his grandchild would not grow up without a father?

Yet Radulfus simply said "it is enough," and bade him join his brothers, who were even now crowding into the choir for Prime, a few muffled gasps breaking the required silence. As their voices soared in prayer, Cadfael released the last of his fear, and knew himself home.

And his early return seemed to have caught Prior Robert off guard, at least. With more warning, Cadfael was sure Robert could have found any number of ways to make his displeasure known, but Radulfus spoke first at Chapter, welcoming Cadfael and bidding Brother Edmund to make known the immediate needs of the infirmary. Of penance, the abbot said nothing, and that even Robert would not contravene, contenting himself with looking down his patrician nose.

But if penance were due, surely catching up on all the work he had left behind was plenty, as Cadfael found when he made his way to his workshop. Brother Winfrid had tried to keep up in the herbarium, but he was young yet, and had not Cadfael's skill. There was much left unfinished: syrups to brew, tinctures to make, medicine cabinets to be replenished. Brother Edmund had mentioned in Chapter that the hospital of St. Giles, in particular, was running dangerously low on medicines. The winter influx of itinerant wanderers had left Brother Oswin stretched to his limits.

So, to work he went. That Cadfael enjoyed the work could not be denied, but if God wanted him to suffer in his penance, He had ways of making that known, so Cadfael set to with a cheerful heart.

He first inventoried the Infirmary, then went back to the herbarium to concoct his syrups, salves, and pastilles, leaving Winfrid to watch the brews while he went to inspect the stores at St. Giles. It happened that Oswin had a patient in need of his skill, and he returned with just enough time to check the mixtures before hurrying to Terce.

And so the day continued. After Terce he and Winfrid filled bottles, then started more medicines brewing. Cadfael filled his scrip and repeated his walk to the infirmary and St. Giles, already feeling the well-loved routine settling around him.

He was back in the herbarium after Sext when he was summoned to see Father Abbot. He was little surprised to see Hugh in the private parlor with Radulfus. Although Hugh had had the news of Philip FitzRobert's taking of the cross before Cadfael ever arrived, and indeed, before Cadfael himself had heard, the details were lacking, and details Cadfael had, in plenty: of Olivier and Yves' captivity at La Musarderie; of Yves' freedom and return to the Empress, and of the warning he later brought; of Philip's wounding and surrender, knowing that his ignoble death would be the result; of the rescue Olivier and Cadfael had plotted between them; and of Olivier's fetching the Earl of Gloucester so that another father and son could be reunited.

As he finished, the abbot and Hugh remained silent for a moment. What was there to say? By saving Philip's life, had he extended the war, or prevented its extension? Was it enough for any life to be saved? God in all His mercy might know, but it wasn't for them to judge.

Cadfael was dismissed not too long after his tale was ended, and Hugh took his leave at the same time, falling into companionable step with his old friend.

As they approached the herb garden, Hugh broke the silence. "When I saw my roan had been returned this morning, I came prepared to plead your case to the abbot. I feared that I would find you in a penitential cell, or, at best, followed around by Robert and Jerome calling down the fires of hell upon your pate. And yet here you are, back in your workshop again."

Cadfael smiled. "I'm sure Brother Jerome is much put out to see me not reduced, not the least because he himself is still deprived of office, but thankfully he has not yet recovered enough of his sanctimony to publically offer disdain. And perhaps the abbot felt I would do more good to the abbey refilling the stores than prostrate in prayer."

"Giles has shot up like a weed since you have been gone. You will hardly recognize him." Hugh paused. "And your son? It is well with him?"

"Very well, Hugh," Cadfael said, pleased to be asked. "He knows me now as his father, and I have embraced him as my son."

Hugh clapped him on the shoulder and smiled. "And there goes the bell for None. I will leave you now to assure Aline and Giles that you are home and well." He squeezed Cadfael's shoulder before letting go. "It is good to have you back, my friend. If the abbot does not grant you leave to sup with us soon, we will come to you."

Cadfael watched him leave, warm in the feeling of family, both of his fellows and his adopted kin. Then it was back to his duties, making up for time not lost, but otherwise occupied.

That evening, as he gathered with his brothers for Compline, Cadfael took advantage of the silence to reflect. However much things changed in the world outside, here the Hours marched on, sin was fought with prayer, and life in the cloister continued as it always had and always would. He had traveled with his son, and slept by his side. Now he had left Olivier to the World that was his home, and returned to the family which was his. If this were all he would ever have, it was enough.

 

 

 


End file.
